PORTRAIT AT EIGHTEEN

i am eighteen now, so i am legally allowed
to drink red wine out of the bottle
in place of dinner.

i am allowed to cry loudly,
though age is irrelevant,
when my parents are not home.

i am starting to grow up, is the point.

i do not crawl back
into other people’s bedsheets, anymore.

and yes, while it is true that
i need to be reminded
not to swallow sleeping pills with alcohol,
i have not hovered over any bridges
in so long.

i am growing up,
is the point.

i am growing older,
am growing stronger,
and when i say stronger, what i mean is,

i would not rather
be dead.